the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
