i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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