I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
