I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my phone needs a breathalizer
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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