Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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