4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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