She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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