if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Randomize
