Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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