he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
