you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
