I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
