my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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