Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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