Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
