I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
