Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
