I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
