i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
