Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I did not marry a roomba.
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