you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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