just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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