where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
