Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize