you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
