in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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