Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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