from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
