What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
