it wasn't lemon gatorade
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
