no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
