I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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