Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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