Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
