We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
