You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
