So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
