So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
