his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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