I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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