I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
