Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
