Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
time to smoke my breakfast
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
