I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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