Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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