There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I understand Curling. That high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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