Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
