so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
