If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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