We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
