what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
