just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
