Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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