If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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