Sry I called you an 8
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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