Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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