you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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