Just fell off a train. Bad.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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