There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?