Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My liver just had a heart attack.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.