I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!