I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just wanna be euthanized
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer