omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".