no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.