That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
