Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
