Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I touched a dick in church today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
