Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
