is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
