why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have aggressive nipples.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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