You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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