I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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