listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All I want is dick and wine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
