$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
