Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
