carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
