No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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