we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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